Making a will can be very entertaining if you Include wine…
Due to Covid, our ages, and finally owning a few things of somewhat "value", Jerry & I decided one evening to finally draft wills, and officially document our "last wishes" for our children to honor. That being said, when two goofy people try to approach a very serious subject, Wine and other NOW LEGAL "pastimes" should never be included during the special “moment’.
The discussion started seriously and well-intentioned, all taking place at our kitchen table, jerry on one side, and myself holding a sharpened pencil and a pad of legal paper. The list was long and silly. We then thought of willing them completely worthless things.. hoping they would see the dark humor (and somewhat “questionable” sentimental value behind them ).. "And to my daughter Savannah, I leave to you this chipped IHOP coffee mug, torn, stained bathrobe and frayed slippers...May they give you sweet remembrances of all the mornings i drove you to school….After listing our "so called valuables," We jokingly reminisced that via various “past discussions” with our adult children, besides a rusted old motorcycle and a few “trinkets”, our children don't want any of our crap and would rather sell the entire “Estate” for quick cash. In all Honestly, we really don’t blame them…. Although we lovingly want them (and our grandchildren) to both evenly benefit financially, after a few more glasses of wine we started thinking of funny "conditions” we could add to the wills that the kids had to fulfill in order to inherit our “Vast” fortune…….
#1. Attend and successfully complete rodeo clown school....
#2. Successfully sheer a Scottish highland sheep in under 30 minutes….... it HAS to be a highlander…
#3. Make a 10” quiche using only finch eggs….. a “certified master chef would have to be present to critique the finished product"
When we got to the "last wishes" of the document, we were both pretty lit and weren't taking this venture as serious as we had originally hoped. After a lot of laughing, Jerry decided a "Viking burial" would be best for him, true Norse style, flaming boats, set adrift, wearing his best kilt ,etc.. As he was reciting his wishes, I scribbled quickly and quietly pondered where I could find longbow archers available at a moment's notice in our small Alaskan town. Jerry also added... "Make sure you get an experienced one.......it would be a long dark evening for everyone if they weren't accurate!!! “ “AND.. make sure I'm REALLY DEAD.. not "mostly dead".....Copy that....(I put an asterisk next to "Really Dead")…. For myself, to eliminate the cost and stress of an expensive funeral, my final suggestion was he hire a backhoe and just bury me in the backyard. Set up a volleyball net over the area, and with the money saved, He should throw a WHOPPER of a party. Then he can honestly tell everyone, "This party is ON Elizabeth, financially, AND literally".
Jerry's response to this... "You do realize if we buried you in the backyard, it would lower the selling value of the house & property." I did not agree.... I feel it would be just the opposite.... forget the septic tank.....At LEAST the grass will always be greener under the volleyball net!~ perhaps we need to try this again on another day..... with a lawyer present ,and both of us sober…………..