When you unknowingly use your bra as a to-go box
Very late yesterday, I spent 35 minutes looking for my work keys…
I always keep them in my uniform pocket. For some strange reason I put them elsewhere. Since I am the last in the building, I really need them to lock up everything. The first 20 minutes was annoying, then actually turned to semi-panic when I really could not find them. You will NEVER guess where they were….. my CLEAVAGE…! Seriously!! Being a large-busted gal sometimes has its advantages when it comes to momentarily storing small items if necessary at a moment’s notice. Usually it’s a “spur of the moment” hide, not a “lets keep them there all day” event.
It reminds me of all the times I have unknowingly or sometimes purposely “hid” things in that very spot. Years ago when jerry & I were dating, I used to wear a shirt that lets say had a “plunging” neckline. Gravity has never been my ally and having a built-in catch-all does not help either. Of course dinner was always included in the evening, and unbeknownst to me, a portion of the meal always seemed to catch a free ride home.
One Saturday morning, my teen-daughter yelled from the bathroom, “Why is there lettuce and salad remnants in the bathtub?” I laughed and said, “oh really? They must have fallen out of my blouse last night when I showered!” .. after a short pause she replied….. “You got undressed IN the shower?”.. “NO, they must have fallen in my shirt and got wedged under my breast!” “MOM…. There is a small tomato and sliced carrots also!!!!” “HOW can you NOT KNOW that an entire tossed salad has fallen in your shirt!!??” I told her it was my version of a “to-go-box”. I might eat like a slob, but at least in her immediate view I am a “healthy” slob. Good thing she didn’t find remnants of my main course of fish & chips. Now that would have been a true wanton waste crime!
Years ago I remember attending a lunch meeting. I HATE lunch meetings… I hate meetings, AND eating in front of people. I always end up spilling something on myself. As I was looking down at my notes to bring up an ‘important point” my eye caught something that was on my shirt. It was a HUGE piece of lettuce sitting on my left breast. As I quickly took it off the salad dressing had left a circle stain and it looked as if I was lactating. I almost died of embarrassment. I should have just left the darn thing there. After the meeting I harshly scolded my male co-worker for not giving me a signal that i practically had a self-serve salad bar on my chest. He said, “how could you NOT know it was there!!???” true…
Through the years there have been many TSA agents that have serious “questions” after seeing my body scan while trying to pass through security Xray. When your Bra has more metal “clips & rivets” holding it together than a recent hip replacement patient, alarms go off and things get real fast. Its always a humbling moment when your being checked for concealed weapons and drugs, and all they find are 2 lost French fries, a pickle, and a few warm cashews. All accumulated from various airport kiosks. I’m sure later on The TSA agents were having a good laugh while saying “How can she NOT KNOW they were in there!” very easily actually~